I was amazed to read that statistical research shows that the average person will tell a lie every 10 minutes!!! What? That can’t be true, can it? If it is, how can we ever trust anyone, even our self?

So, why would we lie? Why do we lie? What’s the purpose of a lie? Do we even recognize we are lying?

Hmmm! It seems lying is a “normal” part of human communication. That means it’s so prevalent that we consider it the norm in our society and don’t even notice it or question it. Actually, there are times we believe we have to, must, are required to … lie.

“Do you like my new dress/hair cut/ lipstick?” Now how would you answer that one? “Does my butt look big in this?” “I don’t want to talk with her/him right now so just tell them I’m with a client/unavailable/at a meeting.”

I guess your answer will depend … on your relationship with me and whether you want to bolster my confidence in the choices I make and avert a meltdown, or want to avoid a hostile or defensive reaction, or are choosing to continue building rapport with me, or want to continue the business relationship we have currently.

We lie. We might not call it a lie. Well, maybe just a white lie. We will lie for a whole heap of reasons we consider acceptable. Some of these might be to justify and explain our choices, to avoid embarrassment, to reinforce, to impress, to expand and embellish, to sound interesting, to appear knowledgeable, to gain an advantage, to avoid punishment, to protect privacy, to engage our creativity, to sweeten someone’s mood, to distract a fractious child, to redirect, to sidestep a discussion, to shift focus … and on and on it goes.

Not All Lies Are “Bad”
So not all lies are bad. Much of “getting along” with members of our society involves telling lies of some kind. Otherwise we could never celebrate Santa Clause at Christmas. I have to say I really thought about not starting the Santa annual visit lie with my first-born. However, we were staying with my in-laws that first Christmas and my mum-in-law simply introduced him to their family traditions – and my son got to believed in Santa – as least for a few years. I still don’t know when he twigged getting presents from Santa was a lie.

So some lies are condoned and even encouraged as being traditional. If we don’t go along with it we could easily be considered to be un-imaginative, too real, too literal, too practical, too one dimensional, too direct, too blunt, too inconsiderate, too difficult, too something.
Do we need more than a “grain of salt” when listening to, or telling lies? Should we take this “convention of lying” into account? Maybe some lies can also be called myths, fairytales, make-believe, pretending, or delusions.

“Lies” are often part of a ritual, an accepted convention. “How are you?” “I’m fine thanks.” It’s only a greeting not a real enquiry into your health state and the reply to that may be far from the truth. Each culture will have some of these conventions. Some of these overlap many cultures and people can feel insulted or put out when convention is not followed.

Intended Benefits
The question remains “acceptable to whom” and “for the purpose of what?” Many of these lies would be considered as told “with good intention, for the benefit of the recipient, the relationship, or even for self.”
An example might be, “I give others a compliment because it makes me feel good.” Whether they choose to respond by feeling good too is beside the point. They can enjoy the compliment or deny or ignore it, but I still feel good.
But I can also give a compliment so that the other person feels good, even when it makes no difference to how I feel as a result of extending the compliment. I might simple see it as a fact, an acknowledgement of their ability or their achieved outcomes.

Convention Can Be A Trap Or A Barrier
Problems occur when I feel I have no choice but to lie as expected by convention or other people’s personal rules or beliefs. Now I might ruffle some feathers if I am truthful or I might feel trapped if I don’t tell the truth. How many of us were told as children, “don’t be rude,” when we said, “that person is fat.” Did we learn to lie too well? Are we still obeying our parents’ rules even as we become grandparents our selves? Is that a good thing? Does the younger generation respect us for continuing to lie? Or do they accept convention as a good thing?

There is much to ponder.

Male/Female Lies
Some are “between gender” lies. An example is when a female asks her special male, “Does my butt look good in these?” Now, every male will know that you are dammed if you say “yes” and “dammed” if you say “no.” Savvy men will know the safest thing is to say, “Darling, your butt always looks good to me,” whether it’s the truth or not.

Some Lies Are Harmful And Criminal
Of course, some lies are not benign. They are told with negative intent aimed at the receiver. They are intended to hurt, to damage, to mislead, to trick, to embezzle, to hide, to sensationalize, to undermine, to out-compete, to destroy, to shame, to get back at, and a whole lot more. Newspapers and magazines fill their pages with these, and courtrooms are full of the fall out of these intentional lies, twisted truths, and omissions, in business dealings and in personal relationships.

I can’t even begin to talk about right or wrong. Because the next question is “Right for whom?” “Wrong for whom?” “According to whom?” “In what circumstances”? That’s what the lawyers make their money from and what court judges have to preside over and decide – according to an interpretation of a specific law.

It can be tricky and the results may not be seen by all as being “fair” or “just.”
In our personal life we must decide our own values, including when to “lie”, if to “lie”, when to use convention, when to go against it, when to be direct, when to be discrete, when to withdraw, when to speak up. Our values and decisions may not suit everyone in our circle and we will have to deal with any repercussions.

So we need to look at the guidelines and rules passed down to us, check which are still valid, which need upgrading, and add any new ones that relate to our much-changed society. Often a kinesiology energy balance to release the stress and have clarity for self can be helpful.

Obviously what we communicate and how we communicate it takes insight, skill and understanding. Dynamic Communication is the program set up specifically to meet this need and to help you do that with grace and power.

In Health Care
It’s not just in our personal and work life that we need guidelines and rules.
So is it any wonder that every health care modality must have their “rules” well defined as to what constitutes “ethical behaviour” and for the registration of suitably “qualified” members.

This is usually concluded in consultation with the legal representatives and association members of a modality. Australian Kinesiology Association And Australian Institute of Kinesiology are in the throes of this process right now. It is essential that our clients feel well cared for by people who have been trained for this purpose and can apply their training competently.

Also at this time, natural therapy modalities are aiming to come together under an umbrella to become a united voice in lobbying government and other bodies regarding the acceptance of natural therapies as being a valid choice for people in terms of their health. This is the task of the newly formed The Natural Medicine and Therapies Registration Board, the NM&TRB.

I take my hat off to everyone involved. Both individual association tasks and the umbrella body tasks are daunting yet necessary for our natural health care industry to move forward and continue to provide the choice more and more people are looking for today.
Cheers
Anna

PS. Dynamic Communication is essential for healthy, strong, and balanced relationships with your self, your family and in your work place. Communication training is a requirement for Advanced Registered Kinesiologists with AKA and for Diploma in Kinesiology at various registered colleges.

Dynamic Communication Program will be available in Brisbane Tuesday nights, 6.30pm to 9.30pm over ten weeks scheduled to begin 6th March. (See February Newsletter to register)