Why Men Don’t Understand Women

Can he ever get it right for his lady? He could if he reads this little known secret. Current research is showing that our brains have two emotional systems that work together – one is the Mirror Neuron System (MNS) and the other is the Temporal Parietal Junction System (TPJS). Females tend to use one and males favour the other. That sounds like yin and yang in action to me.

Louann Brizendine, MD, in her book The Male Brain, describes when a man sees his woman is distresses, both of his systems for reading emotions switch on. His Mirror Neuron System activates first to briefly feel the same emotional pain he sees on her face. This mirroring is how he feels emotional empathy.

Then quick smart his other emotional system, his Temporal Parietal Junction System (TPHS) switches to analyze-and-fix-it circuits to search his entire brain for solutions. Louann refers to this as the cognitive empathy. The male brain develops a preference for fix-it circuits early and locks this preference in after puberty.

The male’s Temporal Parietal Junction System also prevents another’s emotions from affecting his ability to reason and analyze and find a solution.

Busily working out a logical or practical fix-it solution he will totally miss that she is still in need of empathy and just wants her emotional state recognized and acknowledged.

So instead of being delighted with his immediate and practical solution she bursts into tears. Because he skipped straight into “provide a solution” she thinks he doesn’t understand or care about her feelings. When he can mirror back her feelings to her then she feels he’s got what it is like from her perspective.

He on the other hand, has just come up with the perfect solution and is totally perplexed at her breakdown into tears. His blank face shows clearly he doesn’t understand.

She mirrors his blank face in her own system and knows he is out of sync with her and doesn’t feel her feelings. Her first emotional system, Mirror Neurons, is still on and active while he is already operating in his second emotional system, fix it mode, Temporal Parietal Junction System. Her brain takes longer to move into fix-it circuitry. And it could all be to do with estrogen and testosterone.

Another woman will time the empathy phase much better, encouraging the verbal outpouring of the feelings, before going into solution possibilities.

So what is a man to do? Can he ever get it right for his lady? If he just acknowledges the emotional distress first she can feel validated and be more receptive to his solutions. “I can see it is really distressing for you,” or “I know how you feel,” would allow her to be more receptive to his ideas for a solution.

Try it guys. Tell me what happens.

Cheers
Anna McRobert
anna@annamcrobert.com.au

Body Maps, Brain Maps

“The space around your body out to arms length – what neuroscientists call peripersonal space – is part of you. This is not a metaphor, but a recently discovered physiological fact. Your brain annexes this space to your limbs and body, clothing you in it like an extended, ghostly skin.”

Sandra Blakeslee and her son Matthew have collected the research of leading edge scientists of our times in their book The Body Has A Mind Of Its Own – How Body Maps in Your Brain Help You Do (Almost) Everything Better.

Science now recognizes our self does not end where your skin ends, but suffuses and blends with the world, including other beings. That’s a big breakthrough for scientists but is common knowledge through personal experience and tuned awareness for many non-scientists, especially in the natural health care field.

When you ride a horse with confidence and skill, your body maps and the horse’s body maps are blended in shared space. In your own brain the horse is a part of you. Your brain’s map of your body has expanded to include the horse you are riding so you function together as one body.

Modern equipment can map what your brain registers as you. Your brain faithfully maps your physical structure and also the space beyond your body when you use tools. Hold a walking stick and as far as your brain is concerned, your hand now extends to the tip of that stick. Its length has been incorporated into your personal space. If you were blind, you could feel your way down the street using that walking stick as if your hand was touching the pavement to guide your every step.

The map of your body space is not static. It expands when you put on your coat and shrinks when you take it off. It includes your car when you are behind the wheel driving down the road and is why you can gauge the distance from the curb or a passing car or the how close to travel behind the car in front of you. You don’t logically measure the distance, or rely on visuals alone.

You feel or sense the distance between your self, that means your extended self when in a car, with space to spare so you don’t collide or brush when passing. We engage this awareness when walking through a busy shopping mall and pushing our shopping trolley in front of us.

Your brain has many “maps” of you. Every point on your body, each internal organ and every point in space out to the end of your fingertips is mapped inside your brain. Your ability to sense, move, and act in the physical world arises from a rich network of flexible body maps distributed throughout your brain – maps that grow, shrink, and morph to suit your needs.

When learning a new physical skill your motor map changes, new connections sprout between cells and existing ones strengthen. This process is called plasticity.

Alvaro Pascual-Leone is a professor of neurology at Harvard Medical School and director of the Centre for Noninvasive Brain Stimulation at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston. He says, “The brain changes with anything you do, including any thoughts you might have.”

He ran an experiment with volunteers who didn’t play a musical instrument and had never learned to type either. He taught them a five-finger exercise on a piano keyboard connected to a computer and used a metronome to set the pace. The participants practiced for two hours every day for one week.

By the end of one week the muscle map in the brain for each finger had increased. That to me is amazingly fast. Plastic remapping like this occurs when you learn or improve any physical skill.

He had half the group continue to practice for the next four weeks and half stop practicing. In the non-practicing group the finger maps returned to pre-practice size in one week. This brings home the old adage of use it or lose it.

The interesting thing was that the practicing group’s enlarged finger maps also shrank over four weeks even though their performance continued to improve.

Seems a consolidation occurs as your skill level improves, becoming better integrated into your brain’s body maps basic circuitry. With continuing practice you are no longer a novice but have become proficient and can perform automatically without great conscious effort. Your skill is now hard wired and a fundamental part of your being.

All forms of learning create increased new circuitry in the early stages and as the learning advances and mastery develops less circuitry is required to apply the skill and the necessary circuitry is now hard wired. When adding to an existing skill, the original circuitry is reinforced, new circuitry is added in early stages and then pruned once the skill is mastered.

This is how we “grow into ourselves”, extend our ability, develop our potential. It seems there is no limit to how many times we can do this process of growing new circuitry, then consolidating and pruning what is no longer needed once mastered.

The brain registers there are no existing networks for something we are trying to do. But as we make that extra effort, copy what others are doing easily, follow their lead, are guided by their instructions, read, think, process, put into action as we learn, our brain grows extra links to develop multiple options, works out the most efficient ones, then discards the others.

This brain mapping of the new learning reinforces stages of learning:
– Don’t know what we don’t know – Unconscious incompetence
– Do know what we dont know – Conscious incompetence
– Focus and learn till we do know – Conscious competence
– Know and apply without focus – Unconscious competence

We are indeed amazing in our ability to learn and grow physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It can be tough going at first but with persistence we can get to mastery. Now science is telling us how we do that. Our brain is designed so we can choose to keep growing all our lives.

Happy learning.
Cheers
Anna McRobert
anna@annamcrobert.com.au

The Cast Of Male Neurohormone Characters

I’ve just bought another book, The Male Brain by Louann Brizendine MD.

The introductory list of hormones in the male body was fun.  Each hormone described has a symbolic name based on the behaviour it induces in the male.  Have a read of these and see if you recognize them action.

Louanne writes:

TESTERONE – Zeus, King of the male hormones, he is dominant aggressive and all-powerful.  Focused and goal oriented, he feverishly builds all that is male, including the compulsion to outrank other males in the pecking order.  He drives the masculine sweat glands to produce the come hither smell of manhood – androstenedione.   He activates the sex and aggression circuits, and he’s single minded in his dogged pursuit of his desired mate.  Prized for his confidence and bravery, he can be convincing seducer, buy when he’s irritable, he can be the grouchiest of bears.

VASOPRESSIN  –   The White Knight.  Vasopressin is the hormone of gallantry and monogamy, aggressively protecting and defending turf, mate, and children.  Along with testosterone, he runs the male brain circuits and enhances masculinity.

MULLERIAN INHIBITING SUBSTANCE (MS)  –  Hercules.  He’s strong, tough, and fearless.  Also known as the de-feminizer, he ruthlessly strips away all that is feminine from the male.  MIS builds brain circuits for exploratory behavior, suppresses brain circuits for female-type behaviors, destroys the female reproductive organs, and helps build the male reproductive organs and brain circuits.

OXYTOCIN  –  The Lion Tamer.  With just a few cuddles and strokes, this “down, boy” hormone settles and calms even the fiercest of beasts.  He increases empathic ability and builds trust circuits, romantic-love circuits, and attachment circuits in the brain.  He reduces stress hormones, lowers men’s blood pressure, and plays a major role in fathers’ bonding with their infants.  He promotes feelings of safety and security and is to blame for a man’s “postcoital narcolepsy.”

PROLACTIN  –  Mr Mom.  He causes sympathetic pregnancy (couvade syndrome) in fathers-to-be and increases dads’ ability to hear their babies cry.  He stimulates connections in the male brain for paternal behavior and decreases sex rive

CORTISOL  –  The Gladiator.  When threatened, he is angry, fired up, and willing to fight for life and limb.

ANDROSTENEDIONE  –  Romeo.  The charming seducer of women.  When released by the skin as a pheromone he does more for a man’s sex appeal than any aftershave or cologne.

DOPAMINE  –  The Energizer.  The intoxicating life of the party, he’s all about feeling good, having fun, and going for the gusto.  Excited and highly motivated, he’s pumped up to win and driven to hit the jackpot again and again.  But watch out – he is addictively rewarding, particularly in the rough-and-tumble play of boyhood and the sexual play of manhood, where dopamine increases ecstasy during orgasm.

ESTROGEN  –  The Queen.  Although she doesn’t have the same power over a man as Zeus, she may be the true force behind the throne, running most of the male brain circuits.  She has the ability to increase his desire to cuddle and rlate by stimulating his oxytocin.

(This is a taste of Louann Brizendine’s writing style.  Her book The Female Brain is even better.)
Cheers, Anna

The Brain/Body Connection

I am fascinated by how versatile we are in terms of ways to get better.

We can improve our wellbeing by working with the physical body, through exercise, massage, touch; can improve the biochemical body through unprocessed organically grown foods and herbs, clean water, natural spring water; can improve our mental body through education, mentoring, reading, meditation; can improve our emotional body through visualization, guided journeys, meridian tapping, kinesiology, and a myriad of natural therapy approaches.

And yet it is what we think, based on what we believe, that is in our control moment to moment every day.  What we think has a massive impact on every cell in our body.  And it’s cumulative over the years.

We know that the mind and body are like parallel universes.  Anything that happens in the mental universe must leave tracks in the physical one.”

PET (positron-emission tomography) was used to scan of the brain and track tagged glucose injected into the blood stream to give three dimensional picture of thoughts.

“Watching … while the brain thinks, scientists saw that each distinct event in the universe of mind – such as a sensation of pain or a strong memory – triggers a new chemical pattern in the brain, not just at a single site but at several.  The (PET) image looks different for every thought, and if one could extend the portrait to be full-length, there is no doubt that the whole body changes at the same time, thanks to the cascades of neuro-transmitters and related messenger molecules.”

“As you see it right now your body is the physical picture in 3-D of what you are thinking. … the whole body quite obviously projects thoughts. We literally read other people’s minds from the constant play of their facial expressions; without marking it, we also register the thousand fold gestures of body language as a sign of their moods and intentions toward us.”

“… many physical changes that thinking causes are unnoticeable.  They involve minute alterations of cell chemistry, body temperature, electrical charge, blood pressure and so on… the body is fluid enough to mirror any mental event.  Nothing can move without moving the whole.”

What that all means is every thought has repercussions as a chemical change throughout the brain and body along with a change in electrical activity among others.

“… each distinct event … triggers a new chemical pattern in the brain … the (PET) image looks different for every thought … your body is the physical picture in 3-D of what your are thinking … the whole body quite obviously projects thoughts…”

Wow!  Scientists proved this years ago.   I‘ve just quoted Deepak Chopra from his book Quantum Healing published back in 1989, pages 69 and 71.  It’s worth reading the whole book for much more research and acknowledgement about how we tick.

Other scientific research since then has continued to back up what we in natural therapies have known and honoured in our work for years by drawing on ancient wisdom from many cultures – that we are holistic multi-dimentional beings – physical, biochemical, mental, emotional, energetic, social, spiritual beings, and that whatever happens on one level will effect every other level too.

If you want to learn how to read the body language and facial expressions, ask a woman.  It’s scientifically proven females do it better, although Allan Pease did it very well, and with great entertainment value, on his TV show years ago.  And his books are very educational too.

If you want to know what each feature of the face indicates in terms of innate preferences, do the workshops from Three In One Concepts that focus on Structure/Function, the science of how you are structured to function.  These will provide insight to when and how beliefs were formed that trip us up in our emotional realm, and make it difficult to recognize the innate strengths that are ours to engage in our life journey.

The Three In One Concepts workshops open the view to the life were meant to lead the life that would engage your innate capacities.  I invite you to begin the journey through Three In One Concepts workshops, starting with Tools of the Trade, and find the original you and your structure that shows the way to find fulfillment.

Contact me for dates.

Cheers

Anna McRobert

anna@annamcrobert.com.au