We are indeed remarkable beings. But that doesn’t mean its plain sailing or easy at times. Each of us is here to learn, earn, grow, achieve, contribute, within our local community, and beyond on a broader basis. And through all life experiences communication in challenging situations can easily create rifts and emotional pain.
No doubt you have discovered that often it is within our family situation that we have our greatest challenges. But as we master relationships and communications at home we often have the template to contribute at school, at work, and with people of varied cultures from round the world.
One of our biggest challenges is to create harmony and mutual growth among family members. Each person will have their own values and priorities at various stages of life. And also, we start with genetically built in preferences and behaviours, which further complicates matters to the n-th degree at times.
We are familiar with opposites:
– introvert versus extravert
– talks constantly versus rarely speaks
– lots of detail versus bottom line
– never gets to the point verses only sees a point in the point.
When there is no one else to consider, we suit ourselves of course. There is no need for conflict and negotiations. However at work we need to consider the team and harness everyone’s effort to pull in the same direction at the same time, at least some of the time.
It’s the same at home. Some tasks or projects will be a group effort and require group co-operation, working as a family team with a reward the whole family appreciates. Some projects will be for self, for self-expression, for self-exploring, for self-development, to then bring what you learn into the team to the benefit of all.
So what do you do when you feel answering questions or including others needs feels like an imposition, a waste of your time, an intrusion, or unproductive?
I guess it depends on the purpose and who is being fulfilled:
– you yourself by getting on with what suits you
– or the person you want to encourage to increase their confidence
– or the person with whom you want to cement your bond.
It takes a conscious choice in the specific situation. You choose whose fulfillment is the priority to you at the time, in that circumstance, the spouse or partner, the child, the friend, or colleague, the boss or yourself. You get to choose, once you are aware there is a choice.
And also, you will be responsible for the consequences of your choice, that is the outcome that follows from the choice you made on which behaviour to adopt. One of the simplest ways to handle this kind of situation is to include the other party in your truth.
“I’m in a conflict here. I can see what you want to have happen and I have a different preference from you. So I’m not sure how to proceed so we can both be OK. Can you see a way to make it work for both of us?”
Or
“As much as I can relate to what you would like to have happen, right now I have a different priority and can’t accommodate your need this time. Can you cope with that for now? We can have another look at options a little down the track.”
Or
“I see what you are wanting. I have a different preference for myself, but to achieve our common goal, I am prepared to go your way. If the circumstances change I may come back to this point again and reconsider options. Is that OK?”
The Dynamic Communication Program specifically tackles those tricky occasions when having a deeper insight and effective strategies engaged from a balanced state can turn potential disaster into a win/win outcome.
Learn the magic of having the right tool for the right moment. Be at The Dynamic Communications Program and discover how communication in challenging situations can flow smoothly and productively.
If you missed the start date on 29th April find out how to catch up. Contact me straight away by email: anna@annamcrobert.com.au
Cheers
Anna